Holly Bourne
@holly_bourneYA
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Times bestselling author. I write for teens AND now adults. Ambassador for Women's Aid. 90% Human 10% Anti-bacterial handgel.
London
Joined February 2009
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You Could Be So Pretty is published TODAY!! The Beauty Myth for teens that will change how you think about everything! Buy it from:
Your local indie:
Waterstones:
Amazon:
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It's mad how much this world cannot handle the simple act of a woman saying, "This is what happened to me."
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OK, so we need to sleep for eight hours a day. Work at least another eight. Add in commute. Walk 10,000 steps. Meditate. Buy food and cook and eat and wash up x 3. Shower at least once. Socialise. Hoover. Clean/tidy. Laundry. Am I the only one who finds this all impossible?
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On train.
My sandwich: Eat me
Me: It's not even 11
Sandwich: Eat me
Me: Shh I'm looking out the window
Sandwich: Eaaat meee
Me: I CAN'T HEAR YOU
Sandwich: If you love me, you'd eat me
Me: STOP IT OK I'LL EAT YOU
My sandwich from stomach: Can't believe you've eaten me already
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Like everyone else I guess, I am hitting my limit with 'influencer culture'. Lots of wealthy people, getting expensive things for free, who could afford to pay for them, making their followers who can't afford them feel shit for not being able to. Or am I missing something?
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Two old ladies on the train.
Old lady 1: "Do you want to sit facing or backwards?"
Old lady 2: "Let's face it together. Like we always have."
😍😍😍😍
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OK, so what happens when the sleep consultant refunds you after two days, saying they're "totally baffled" by your baby?
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I have watched this roughly 28,543 times now and it keeps getting better and better
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Mum looked after the baby yesterday while I did a lit fest
Mum: The baby kept smiling at this nice man in the cafe, and, guess what? He's an author too! He's written a book about spotting trains.
Me: Irvine Welsh!?
Mum: He said he writes crime now. Quite different from trains.
🤦♀️
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The people I'm the most jealous of in life are those babies you see getting pushed around in covered buggies when it's raining. Imagine that. Imagine how nice that would be. God, I took being a baby for granted.
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I just had my first macaroni cheese pie and I swear, Scotland, I'm not leaving you. Not ever.
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Who decided Humpty Dumpty was an egg? Its not in the lyrics, and deciding he's a giant egg is quite a random leap for someone to make, and everyone else being like, "yeah, a giant egg on a wall. Of course "
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Me:
"I suddenly MUST have pesto NOW"
*buys pesto*
*uses about 1/4 of jar*
"Yum!"
Days pass...
Weeks pass...
*opens fridge*
"No. Not pesto. I really don't feel like it right now.
*pesto develops mould*
"I suddenly MUST have pesto NOW"
Repeat x forever
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There is no such thing as 'non consensual sex'. Sex without consent isn't sex. Sex without consent is only rape. Please call it rape.
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What alcoholic drink have you never drunk in your adult life because you projectile vommed it after overindulging at a teenage house party?
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Today I am mostly obsessed with the
@PayGapApp
. A bot that RTs any company tweeting about
#IWD2022
highlighting their gender pay gap. It is hilarious and depressing in equal measures.
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This book really wasn't for me. All the teenagers in it behaved like teenagers, which was immature of them. I'm not a teenager. I really think teenagers would like this book though. One star.
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We need a word for the crush you get on a famous man because he's seems like such a good, loving man (today: Gareth Southgate) but the crush can never be fully formed because, if he left his wife for you, then he wouldn't be the crush you thought he was
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@RossalynWarren
I think it's amazing. People who behave atrociously online need to start seeing offline consequences, as the offline consequences of their comments are very real to the people on the receiving end of them
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A neighbour who sometimes takes parcels for me when I'm out keeps opening then because she's "curious". What's least excruciating way of dealing with this? Awkward conversation? or should I just order twelve buttplugs then be out when the parcel arrives?
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@bbcpress
Calling a racist comment racist is not an 'opinion'. It is a fact. This decision is also racist.
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Just want to say a huge thank-you to all the teachers. I know you've all worked beyond breaking point this term. Risking your health every day - both physical and mental. Have hardly seen your families to keep them safe. Are facing Christmasses of self-isolation. You are heroes.
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Sorry I'm late. I was on time but then I needed to put tights on and I had to put my leg into several pairs and each time find they were laddered and I don't know why I put laddered tights back in the drawer and when will winter end and I hate how long it takes to leave the house
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THIS is what
#WorldBookDay
is about 😍😍😍 Not elaborate, expensive, dressing up in costumes (cute as the pics in the newspapers are)
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Unpopular opinion: Books that are 'easy to read' are actually harder to write
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Wow! Now MAYBE people can start blaming the rise in teen mental health issues on abuse, poverty, domestic violence, racism, sexism, the housing crisis, and other stuff that IS NOT THEIR FAULT rather than saying 'but they should stop instagramming"
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Please stay home. I've just been speaking to a friend who works in a hospital and I'm crying. Please stay home. Please. Being bored and feeling cooped up is NOTHING compared to what her daily life is like, and worse is yet to come to her. So please stay home. Please. xxx
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I'm making a thread for those who have lost their sense of smell and taste due to
#COVID19
with all the things I've found helpful. It's an unnerving, miserable symptom and I know I've spent the last two weeks frantically googling it. Hope this is useful to you. Please add to it
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My favourite thing to do re. the surname-change debate is put it onto men. Are THEY willing to change it after marriage? If not, why not? Whose name does the children get? Give a reason that isn't sexist. It's quite illuminating, even with 'feminist' men
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It is the day of the Bourne family adult egg hunt. No-one is pregnant this year, so we've revoked the no-tackling rule
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OH MY GOLLY GOSH 'THE PLACES I'VE CRIED IN PUBLIC' PROOFS ARE HERE AND I MIGHT BE VERY ON BRAND AND CRY 😭😭😭
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Sits outside.
"No. Too hot."
Goes inside. Looks at outside.
"But I'm wasting it!"
Sits outside.
"No. Too hot."
Repeat x 50
#WarmestDayOfTheYear
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Went to a male GP for a lady's problem. Tried to have benefit of the doubt. And he diagnosed me with something that literally DOESN'T EXIST IN MEDICINE, and also SHRUGGED, and said, "It's normal for women to have pain." FFS
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I'm calling it. Wordle is over. Too many shit words in a row to try and make the game harder. Fun gone. Lights have gone up and we are all slowly heading home. This is why we can't have nice things.
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My new YA book is called THE PLACES I'VE CRIED IN PUBLIC. It's a book about what love is, what love isn't, and putting yourself back together again. I sobbed writing it and it's made everyone who has read it so far sob too. Out in October x
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We live in a country where rape is essentially decriminalised. Survivors have a one in 70 chance of their case being charged. A man in the UK is 230 times more likely to be raped himself than falsely accused of rape. But, yeah, MeToo has gone too far?
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OH MY GOD! Proofs of my new adult novel 'Pretending' have arrived and they have a SCRATCHCARD FRONT COVER!! I am not ok!! Pretending is out in April 2020 and available to pre-order now xx
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I'm sure it's already famous, but I stumbled across this Atwood quote today and it's messed me right up.
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A friend of mine in the US had to get taken to hospital in an ambulance in her first year of uni. She is still thousands upon thousands of pounds worth in debt years later. Save the NHS. Save the NHS. Save the NHS.
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Sleep consultant: Oh, this seems like an easy fix. I've had five years experience. She's just overtired. Here, let me try.
*two days later*
Sleep consultant: Here is your money back. I don't understand.
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Why, considering I live in England, do I own about 12 million summer dresses that only look nice/normal when it's above 25c, and yet only two jumpers?
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As always, brought a book and 2 mags for train journey. Panicked at station that not enough and bought extra book and mag. Then, as always, read nothing and instead ate all train picnic right away and spent journey staring out window thinking about discontinued M&S sandwiches
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I'm yet to meet any man in my actual life who wouldn't be anything other than totally perplexed if I bought him a Christmas present from a 'Gifts For Him' list. Cufflinks? Cashmere? Engraved silver whisky flask? WHO ARE THESE MEN?
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Got a real dilemma. If you're dating someone new, and they're an author, and you read their novel and the main character wears a scrunchie and you know there's no way that girl would wear a scrunchie, do you tell your new beau? Book is already published.
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Oh, Teen Vogue. Thank you Teen Vogue for writing this about Passengers.
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When it happens to a man, it's the cutest viral thing in the world.
When it happens to a woman, that 'yeah OK' is the most laced response imaginable. ERGH
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Fictional characters in movies doing fictional things I can still never forgive - a thread.
1) Her sister cutting up the mum's wedding dress in 27 Dresses
2) Amy burning Jo's manuscript in Little Women
3) Everything about Bradley Cooper in He's Just Not That Into You
Please add
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just typed in 'Taylor Swift dance workouts' into YouTube and my relationship with exercise is instantly transformed
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Making a great first impression with my new US editor and copy editor...
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Promising Young Woman is finally out and I urge EVERYONE to watch it. An utter masterpiece on the lasting trauma and rage of a MeToo. Couldn't sleep for days afterwards. If anyone wants to commission me to write a million words on its genius, I'm right here.
#PromisingYoungWoman
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I will say this a million times...publishing will cease to exist without children's publishing. Our job is to create lifelong readers. If we fail, publishing fails. And yet the vital work we do is often derided or ignored.
Children's book reviews take a dip, as despite accounting for a third of the market, children's books accounted for 4.3% of review space. See more, as we look at
@BooksintheMedia
data to explore reviews over the last 12 months: (£)
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Usborne surprised me yesterday by revealing we've just reached HALF A MILLION of my teen books sold. Once accounting for all the copies my mother has squirrelled away, I'd like to thank the remaining five of you who supported me...Seriously, I'm blown away. What a privilege.
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It's Lockdown 2.0 and I'm so excited to launch
#SignForOurBookshops
! A campaign to support bookshops this month. Over 200 authors & counting, have pledged to sign and send personalised bookplates to shops & customers to keep us using our beloved stores.
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So, now we've woken up to the severity of sexual violence experienced by girls in school, shall we stop blaming their mental health issues on their Instagram use?
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I mean, really, is there anything worse than waiting an hour for a baked potato then realising you didn't turn the oven on?
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Don't know why people pay eighty quid each on 'Escape The Room' experiences when you can just have social anxiety and feel that way for free all the time.
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Nothing says 'home for Christmas' like your mum walking you through the fridge and cupboards, identifying which foods you're not allowed to eat yet
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Just your jolly reminder about the darker side of football and domestic abuse. Here's a helpful number. God I hate that we live in a world where we need it
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Lovely authors. I THINK I have a plan about how to support bookshops over lockdown. Just running it past some experts, but if you're interested in taking part, let me know below and I can DM
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A useless thought I can't get out of my head is how Edward Cullen was made a vampire during the last giant pandemic
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@Terri_White
She was SO COCKY during the consultation. "I've had five years experience and only five star reviews online." Two days later, she is a broken woman. (not as broken as me)
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'Reading is teenage girls most popular hobby.' I hope this study gets as much media attention as 'teen fiction is doomed' type stories please thank you
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A little old lady on the bus just turned to me and said: "Fuck this election. Dividing us at Christmas time when we should all be coming together."
Little old lady, I hear you x
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Things I can't afford but are convinced will magically transform my life:
Noise cancelling headphones
Weighted blanket
Organic veg box delivery thingy
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Shout out to the drunken brilliant mess of a lady on my train home, singing "When you're 47, you're allowed to be this annoying" over & over
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Authors (especially debuts), just a gentle, loving reminder that you don't have to share your non-fiction hardships in order to publicise your fiction books. I know there's a huge pressure to, but I promise you it's fine to say no. It won't ruin your career.
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Do you remember that time when our country ignored WHO advice, and pleas from Italy, because we thought we knew better, and now almost 30k people are dead and we have the highest death stats in Europe?
Because I will never not remember this.
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Pretending is published TODAY! A story for anyone who has ever pretended to be someone they're not in order to be loved. I hope it makes you laugh and feel seen in these weird times. Available from Waterstones, Blackwells, The Book Depository, and Amazon.
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Just worth posting & adding:
1) Men are more likely to be raped themselves than falsely accused,
2) Rape convictions in this country are at a record low, despite over 85000 women being raped a year,
3) Only around 15% of victims even report to police
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I've finally finished the sodding book!!! It's 40k words too long and I hated every minute but it exists. I wrote a book!!!!
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If you think the US couldn't happen here, remember our actual minister for women's health, Maria Caulfield, voted AGAINST telemedicine abortions only a month ago, ignoring all expert health advice. And the vote itself was terrifyingly close.
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I've never identified so hard with something my whole life
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If you possibly can, support your local bookshops through this lockdown. Most of them can take orders online/phone. Pre-Christmas is such a crucial time for sales and we want these sanctuaries of our community to still be there when the world is normal again
#ChooseBookshops
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how's your lockdown going guys? I just yelled "Nobody's flat is big enough to do that exercise in, you privileged c**t" at my online workout video...
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At every party I ever go to, I always end up having at least one conversation about how All Too Well by Taylor Swift would be critically acclaimed if a man had written it, and one about how adding mustard to scrambled eggs will change your life forever.
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I can't adequately put into words my immense gratitude to the people who are standing up for democracy in these crazy times. I want to hug them all. I'm so grateful. Long may we all be brave enough to fight, in the best ways we have, to protect democracy in this country.
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I think I've finally figured out the distinction between literary and commercial fiction. Commercial fiction is about largely-nice characters, whereas literary fiction is about c**nts.
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Thinking of writing a wimmins fiction book called 'Internalised Misogyny'
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Ring my mother.
"Hey mum, what are you up to today?"
"Oh, just cleaning the oven in time for the Royal Wedding."
???????????????
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"I thought I'd met posh people before I came here but I'd actually just met people who eat olives." Amazing speech by
@jessphillips
😍
Labour MP Jess Phillips treats the Commons to an incredible speech
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OK, there is a separate, valid, discussion to be had about appropriating stories... BUT I'm going to write a quick thread about all the reasons it's royally f**ked that authors feel pressured to reveal personal trauma that may've inspired their writing.
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"I know science says we don't actually synch up but I'm surrounded by 80,000 women and my period literally just started, three days early."
My favourite 'overheard' at last night's Spice Girls concert
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Mental illness doesn't exist in a vacuum and we're using the term 'snowflake' as an abusive slur to silence young people. I wrote this cos I got angry
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In my hometown, sweating like a pig, no make-up on, greasy hair, and about to go into the town centre. I look forward to bumping into everyone from secondary school, as well as everyone who romantically rejected me aged 12-19.
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Am I the only person in the world who thought it was quite...appropriate that Preston stormed off Buzzcocks in response to the misogynistic and classist mocking of his then-wife?
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This is beyond fucked
5 men character assasinating a woman. No wonder Meghan left the UK. This was uncomfortable to watch. This is the reality women face daily. Disgusting.
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Better whack on some waterproof mascara because my new YA book, The Places I've Cried In Public, is out TODAY. A book about love, heartbreak, reclaiming your memories, and putting yourself back together again. xxx
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Weird how many women are not murdering people due to the stress of the lockdown. Only men. It's almost as if gender is responsible, not lockdown?
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I got some good news yesterday and was scared that meant something bad would happen. Today, a stranger just stopped me in Holborn to inform me my entire skirt was tucked into my knickers. Been like that since I left the house this morning. And so the world is balanced again...
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@Magic_Kitten
She is now so embarrassed.
"OMG I'VE SEEN THAT FILM. What's wrong with me?! I wished him luck for his event and said I hope he's not too nervous" 🤣
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One in four women raped or sexually assaulted
97% of women sexually harassed
85,000 women raped a year
64% of school girls harassed, 39% have their bra straps pulled, 24% experienced unwanted sexual touching.
But, let's talk about the mental health impact of BOYS?!
Female abduction / murder is extremely rare. Yes we should all be vigilant when out alone. But this level of fear-mongering isn’t healthy. And men’s mental health is an issue as well. Calling all men out as dangerous is bad for our sons, brothers, partners.
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Obsessed with the idea of the 'cursed wedding guest'. Where every married couple has someone in their wedding party who, within a year, has dramatic falling out with, and are haunted by their presence in photos for the rest of time.
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Carrie Fisher got me escorted by security out of the ComicCon greenroom because my publicist had my pass with her in the loo. She said "you don't belong here" thinking i was a crazed fan who had snuck in.
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Starting to see some gripes about
#WorldBookDay
costumes, and I wish the narrative would shift towards how, for one in seven children, the book they buy with their token is the first book they've ever owned. <3 <3 It's truly such a magical day and initiative
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Most normal people can't afford to spend a grand on a mattress, or to get high-tec facials, or posh dental treatment, or to stay in five star hotels. Yet the people who can afford to, get it for free. It's very strange
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It Only Happens In The Movies is published TODAY!! 🎥🎥🍿🍿🎬🎬🎉🎉
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My adult debut 'How Do You Like Me Now?' is published by
@HodderBooks
today. It's a book about love, friendship, and aging. It exposes the lies we tell each other about our happiness, but mostly the lies we tell ourselves. I f**king hope you enjoy it x
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