Benny Boy
@Camel_Crushin
Followers
10,336
Following
6,477
Media
1,148
Statuses
68,788
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Pinned Tweet
I have many different layers. I’m basically a lasagna.
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Hear me out…a library/bar where you can just sit there quietly with a drink and read.
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People who walk around the grocery store with an actual physical list are so damn cute.
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Hear me out…ginger ale that has ibuprofen already in it.
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So I hid 4 bags of Reese’s peanut butter eggs behind some beet juice at the grocery store the other day and they were still there this morning. Only $2 a piece. I’ve already won today.
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If the rapture is tomorrow, just know that I was quite fond of about 3 of you.
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Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they love you too.
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Body count? Lol. It’s none of your business how many people I’ve killed.
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Sorry to bother you but would you like to hang out for about 40 years or so? Maybe watch some TV?
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I’m bringing back “cruisin for a bruisin” and nobody can stop me.
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Kelly Clarkson won American Idol 50 years ago. Let that sink in.
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I don’t want to work today. I just want to go outside and play with bubbles.
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If by “balanced breakfast” you mean a coffee followed by another coffee, then yes, I’ve had a balanced breakfast.
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Wanna get on Zillow and look at houses we’ll never be able to afford?
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How old is too old to drop yourself off at the fire station?
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On behalf of real men, no we fucking don’t!
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I’m getting really sick and tired of other people being out in public when I am.
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I talk a lot of shit for someone who has no idea what his blood type is.
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The gas pump stopped at $30.01 and now my whole fucking day is ruined.
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People who can sleep without white noise or a fan are psychopaths.
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Thanks for stopping in the middle of the grocery aisle to have a chat with your friend. You guys wanna set up camp too?
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I was more afraid of piranhas growing up than I probably should have been.
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Flowers for Valentine’s Day are cool…but what she really needs is windshield wiper fluid.
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I was today years old when I found out my mom was engaged 4 times before she married my father. What the fuck, lady
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I disappear for 3 days and resurrect myself all the time.
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Make sure you’re a decent human being to grocery store workers over the next few days.
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Just sitting here at work thinking about that guy in the movie Titanic who fell off the back of the boat and hit the propeller.
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I’ve avoided 4 people I know at the grocery store today. I’m gonna go ahead and call that a big win.
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Girls don’t want flowers. They want burritos…and for you to fill their car up with gas.
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Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!
Horse: Look man, I was just giving this guy a ride.
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Costco 3 days before Christmas? Do you have a death wish?
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Selena Gomez just followed me. She’s only got 40 followers so I feel like we’re gonna become good friends.
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If Elon would just hand the keys to this place over to Henry Winkler that would be ideal.
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A heart shaped pizza is actually less pizza…don’t fall for that shit.
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I cut off a student driver earlier just to give him a little dose of reality.
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The flower department at every grocery store is like the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan right now.
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First Date Idea: We say fuck it and move to Norway together.
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I don’t get a second wind anymore. You get one wind and that’s it.
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We all have a random pair of crutches in the garage or basement, right?
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Remember when we used to take drugs for fun? Now we just take them so we can sleep.
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Imagine living a life where Taylor Swift supporting the man that she loves upsets you.
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Marijuana is a gateway drug to dipping your graham crackers in buttercream frosting.
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Sorry I missed your call. I've had my phone on silent since October of 2012.
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How to fold a fitted sheet:
Step 1. Throw it away.
Step 2. Start drinking.
You're welcome.
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Never feel guilty about taking a day off to do absolutely nothing.
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Hear me out…we all need one day off a week to dedicate to reading.
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My dad and brother in law are both in the hospital. I’m having a difficult time staying positive. Please post pictures of your pets. Thanks.
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If the world is gonna end it makes sense that it would happen on a Monday.
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You don’t wave at dogs in cars? What’s it like not to have a soul?
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Welcome to adulthood! Everything hurts and there’s an eclipse every other fucking day.
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Wanna get high and watch Bob Ross paint some happy trees?
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Can we stop with the politics for a minute and talk about how expensive M&M’s are getting?
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I’ve unfollowed everyone I wouldn’t get high with…so if you’re reading this…meet me in the alley out back.
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The firemen are here grocery shopping and all the single moms are losing their shit!
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I have a password expiring at work in 8 days. Time to find a new career path.
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If a fight doesn’t break out at Jerry Springer’s funeral I’m gonna be extremely disappointed.
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You think that one guy is still Walking in Memphis or nah?
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If your hoodie strings are uneven I won’t even acknowledge you.
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A tweet I posted 2 years ago finally got it's first star. Never give up on your dreams.
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Wanna hold hands and watch the world end? I’ve got snacks.
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A good decision has never been made while drinking Jäegermeister.
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Sex is cool, but having sex more than once is also pretty cool… I’ve been told.
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I just ran into my sister and 3 beautiful nieces at the grocery store. They all ran up and hugged me, even my sister(we’re not on good terms) I broke down crying right there. I couldn’t control it. I guess I needed that more than I realized. ❤️
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I’d love to stay and hang out but I’ve got drugs to do.
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"Manscaping", because the other term "shaving our balls so you don't choke on our pubes while blowing us" doesn't have the same ring to it.
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There’s nothing wrong with falling in love with a rotisserie chicken.
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Marriage is basically just eating together and watching HGTV until you die.
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A Rage Against the Machine halftime show would be ideal.
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Some of you have never had to call a radio station to request your favorite song and it shows.
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You wouldn’t like me. I adore women and think they should be allowed to do whatever the fuck they want.
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She’s a 10…but she actually likes me. Which is a huge red flag in my opinion.
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I’m at that age where I turn the stereo down before I get out of the car because I don’t want to be startled when I get back in.
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I feel like an idiot that it took me this long to watch Arrested Development. What a perfect show!
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You go ahead and stand over there in the corner being offended by everything. I'll be over here with everyone else laughing and being happy.
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The Moon will cross directly between the Earth and the Sun instead of going to therapy.
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Fuck…I didn’t really want to do this. I’m Ben, and I’m an addict. I’ve been sober 10 years but had a few hiccups lately. Mental crap. Anyway…I’ve got this and you’ve got this. It’s okay.Everyone is here to help us.and show us boobs .
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