Smite ⚡️
@7Smite4
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One of these days it will all work out.
New England, USA
Joined January 2023
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Pinned Tweet
“7 years of hell all because a black dude owned a white dude for 30 seconds during a WH corespondents dinner.”
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Imagine supporting someone who hopes you lose your job, your savings, your financial stability, just so he can criticize a guy who is outperforming him at every turn.
Trump says he hopes the economy crashes so he can blame President Biden: I hope it crashes during these next 12 months
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Dear Earthlings,
If you want us to take Marjorie Taylor Greene back, please stop shooting down every intergalactic Uber we send for her.
Thank you,
Sporkfoot Federation
Planet K-47
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If you think Biblical Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery was impressive, wait till you see Republican Moses lead the Moronites out of a House majority.
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America.
First in the world to protect kids from imaginary threats.
Last in the world to protect them from real ones.
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How is it that in a 247 year old constitutional republic, with three equal branches of government, home to the greatest fighting force ever known, can one dumb redneck hold up hundreds of military appointments and promotions?
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CNN’s doing the walk of shame this morning after getting drunk and hooking up with a fascist last night.
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Watch Marjorie admit the Biden administration is doing a much better job of seizing fentanyl at the border than the Trump administration.
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Kristi Noem shot her puppy because she decided it was “untrainable” and “less than worthless”.
I’d like her to meet Marjorie Taylor Greene.
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When you show up as a Sesame Street character for the State of the Union…and you’re still not the most ridiculous person there.
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Fun fact: Alina Habba has cost him more than all his wives combined.
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Name school shootings after the politicians who enable them.
Let them have the legacy they deserve.
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Jim Jordan launched his Twitter investigation today with lots of bluster about the perils of government censorship…
…only to find out later in the day it was Trump advocating most of the censorship.
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Presidents’ Day is our annual reminder to never elect anyone like Donald Trump ever again.
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The civil war has been rescheduled. We appreciate your patience.
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It’s Presidents’ Day.
Ours was in a war zone.
Standing with our allies.
Standing for democracy.
Representing the best of America.
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Breaking: Bud Light will continue to carry the rainbow flag, but will also add a bullseye for those to who’d rather shoot at their beer than drink it.
“It’s both inclusive and incel-friendly” said their spokesperson.
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OMG. Biden has been caught on tapes that don’t exist accepting a bribe that was reported by a whistleblower nobody can find.
Shit’s about to get real, y’all.
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Fox News: Seriously, we lied to you. We make billions by jacking up your anger dopamine, so we trained you to distrust everything and hate your country.
Viewers: We don’t believe you.
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If I knew nothing about Elon Musk.
Nothing about his apartheid energy or proclivities for alt-right conspiracies.
Nothing about his overblown ego or intellectual insecurity.
If all I knew of him was how he runs this app.
I’d still think he really sucks.
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Jesus: “Food for everyone!”
* feeds over 5000 people with fish and loaves
Republican Jesus: “Food for everyone!”
* leaves the restaurant after the cameras have stopped rolling and stiffs the owner with the bill
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Budweiser isn’t political.
Coors isn’t political.
Supporting vulnerable communities isn’t political.
It’s humane.
If it bothers you so much, you’re the problem.
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Mike Pence: I’m a God-fearing man.
God: It’s not me you should be worried about. It’s Jack Smith.
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Hey Texas,
Requiring the 10 Commandments be posted in every public school isn’t owning the libs.
It’s spitting on the Constitution.
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Letter from a Twitter Employee:
Dear Twitter users,
I would like to set the record straight.
Twitter is still one of the best places to work.
Yes, we got rid of 75% of our workforce, stopped paying vendors, screwed our partners, sold our furniture and office spaces…
…
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International women’s day is an annual reminder of how much happier we’d all be if the email lady had won in 2016.
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Those amazing Jesus commercials during the Super Bowl changed my perspective on everything.
Tax the church.
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The DeSantis launch on Twitter is going about as expected.
In that it crashed.
Literally.
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My sweet Charley crossed the rainbow bridge this morning.
She blessed my life with joy and unconditional love.
I will miss her. 💔
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When Republicans threatened a civil war, I didn’t realize it was with themselves.
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What happened in the Tennessee legislature last night was a live reenactment of Critical Race Theory.
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Having to watch someone plead for an emergency court order simply to get lifesaving healthcare is a heartbreaking reminder of how far we have fallen in some parts of America.
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Within hours of his firing, Tucker Carlson was offered a job by Russian TV.
Yesterday, the Russian foreign minister felt compelled to chime in.
The. RUSSIAN. FOREIGN. MINISTER.
(Btw, he didn’t mention Don Lemon)
Tucker Carlson is 💯 a Russian asset.
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If the 9/11 commission had given Tucker Carlson exclusive footage of that day, we’d be watching angry buildings crash into peaceful, stationary planes.
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I like how Tim Scott keeps saying America isn’t racist while also saying his story is nothing short of a miracle.
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The reviews of “Cocaine Bear” are in:
“Thoroughly entertaining!”
- Rolling Stones
“So bad it’s good”
- Rotten Tomatoes
“The bear’s a lightweight”
- Don Jr.
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His physican was a drunk.
His personal lawyer is a drunk.
It’s no wonder he thinks he’s 215 pounds and can overthrow the government.
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Jesus: Hey Dad, imma pop back to earth for a bit. I promised them, like 2000 years ago that I’d come back.
God: Cool, son. Take the balloon.
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BREAKING: Ron DeSantis vows to relaunch his Presidential campaign on MySpace.
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All of Trump’s defenses in one tweet:
“I’ve never met her.”
“I don’t know her.”
“She’s not my type.”
“The statute of limitations has expired.”
“She didn’t scream.”
“When you’re a star, they let you do it.”
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Republicans: we’re going to tell you how bad things are at Biden’s border by sharing a horrific story that didn’t happen at the border when it was Bush’s border.
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I accidentally turned on Fox News this morning and now I’m panic-calling my bank to see if they’ve made any woke decisions to jeopardize the $46.24 I have stashed away in my interest-free checking account.
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If you think mental health is a problem right now, imagine an entire generation forced to grow up learning active shooter drills.
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When I saw the car explosion on TV, I didn’t immediately assume it was terrorism.
I assumed it was a Tesla.
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Did you notice how upset Republicans got last night when reminded of their own policy positions?
Maybe they should try better policy positions.
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2017-2020: Let’s deregulate everything and get government out of the way!
2023: There’s a fucking train parked in my living room and my bank disappeared.
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Doesn’t everyone have a friend who takes them on private planes and yachts for lavish vacations, buys and maintains their mother’s home, makes massive contributions to their wife’s causes…all for no strings attached?
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If you ever want to shut a Republican up, tell them they’re under oath.
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Sunday Sermon: They spent 2000+ years worried about the Antichrist and now that he’s here, they’re hell bent on voting for him.
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Tonight on Tucker Carlson:
The bear spray…was for wild bear encounters.
The gallows…were an impromptu reenactment of Shakespeare in the Park.
The government arrested hundreds of innocent bear-phobic thespians.
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Trump’s disdain for anyone not subservient to him is well known.
It kills him that he was indicted by a jury of everyday Americans, a jury of his peers.
That’s what he is now, an everyday American whose past, present and future hang in the balance of Lady Justice.
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123 million watched the Super Bowl.
A new record.
When MAGA tells you they’re gonna boycott something and it’s amplified on this hellsite, it’s basically 3 dudes in a trailer without cable TV.
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First, malaria.
Now there are cases of leprosy in Florida.
Freakin’ leprosy.
I honestly would not be surprised if they found cases of people turning back into apes over there.
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“If we missed anyone from J6 please come to Miami and give us another chance.”
- FBI
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Dear white men,
I know some of you are concerned about the country seeming less white, replacement theories and the like.
Please allow me to provide some food for thought.
🧵(1/5)
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Any religion that tells you half the people on the planet are meant to be subservient to the other half should be mocked out of existence.
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My buddy caddied for Barack Obama this morning. Said it was the most fun he’s had in ages.
I can’t wait to hear all the stories.
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These are not normal people.
Not people who care about the Rule of law or the Constitution.
Not people who care about finding common ground as Americans…or even human beings.
It’s a cult.
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Maybe we could have Jim Jordan lead simpler investigations, e.g. “why does ice melt?”, just to see if he can come up with an answer other than it was Hunter Biden.
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It’s appropriate to remind you the guy who got exclusive access to the J6 footage was denied a job by the CIA coz they determined he was an unhinged fruit-loop.
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Rihanna gave the most pro-life halftime show in the history of the Super Bowl and now every pro-lifer in America hates her for it.
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Israel, you have every right to defend yourself.
Every right.
You would also be wise to learn from what 9/11 did to us.
So focused were we on retribution, our rage descended on the wrong nation. Any villain would do. Thousands died, who had nothing to do with 9/11.
1/4
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I anonymously sent Trump a free ticket for a high altitude balloon ride.
Let’s see what happens.
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Loser Logic:
- The 500+ people who pled guilty to breaking laws on j6 are hostages.
- All the witnesses against him are his own people but it’s a political persecution.
- Getting people to exercise their right to vote is stealing the election.
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To the good white men out there, and there are many of you, it’s time to step up. Be a stronger ally to women, stand up for them and their rights. Listen more, talk less.
The way to preserve whiteness is through goodness, not oppression.
This concludes my TED Talk.
🧵(5)
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6’3
215 pounds
Strawberry blonde hair
This is why women don’t trust online dating profiles anymore.
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“X is amazing! It’s visionary beyond our time. It’s going to revolutionize how we live. How we think. How we evolve.”
Me: What dafuq is it?
“Well, you give Elon $8 and get back what you used to have for free”
Me: 😳
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SOTU energy summarized:
POTUS: economy, infrastructure, jobs, hope, justice, dignity, resilience…
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: war, famine, pestilence, apocalypse, herpes, dead frogs…
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ATTENTION: Due to increased data scraping, technical hoogady boogady and our new “bills are woke” motto, we will be restricting you to one selfie, one pet pic, one “raise your hand” and one “can anyone see me?” tweet per week.
Elon
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DeSantis is getting housed by the Mouse.
He should stick to imaginary fights, not real ones.
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Official statement from the Chinese Defense Ministry.
“We couldn’t care less about your ICBM silos. We just wanted to see if the Twitter rumors about Pete Davidson and Melania Trump were true.”
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If you can order a pizza without laughing at what happened to Andrew Tate, you’re a better person than I am.
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“I will not shop here coz they have a small section showing support for marginalized communities”
Has the same energy as…
“I will not share a drinking fountain with people of color”
Prove me wrong.
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Mike Pence, the former Vice President of the United States, cannot get enough $1 donations to debate a dude who has racked up 74 felonies and counting.
Let’s sit with it for a minute.
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The best way to replenish what little hope you have left, is to give it to others and watch it grow.
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If you think a guy who showed up with stale water, fast food and cheap hats did more to help East Palestine than the guy who made all federal resources available to address the environmental crisis, you have some serious daddy issues.
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Had George Soros offered Ketanji Brown Jackson even a breath mint, Republicans would be throwing themselves off 6 story buildings right now.
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Electing a Speaker of the House isn’t their legacy.
What’s happening in Lewiston Maine tonight is their legacy.
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MSM: Did you know 78% of NY03 constituents want George Santos removed from office?
George Santos: Never heard of him.
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A Republican member of Congress threatened to fight a Boston teamster yesterday.
They should really try reading the history books before they burn them.
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Walk into a sliding glass door just once and it changes you forever.
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CPAC feels like a monster truck rally.
Without the trucks.
Just the monsters.
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Reminder: One can stand with Israel and also be against the indiscriminate killing of Palestinians who want nothing to do with Hamas and their hateful agenda.
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You CANNOT sell them on this replacement nonsense. Most of them are smarter than you.
You CANNOT strip away their rights and treat them as breeding vessels. Again, have you met women? They’ll tie their tubes or fuck anyone but you and breed you right out of existence.
🧵(3)
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Breaking: You just blew up her 4th ride this week.
She’s yours now.
Enjoy.
Sporkfoot Federation out.
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There is an incredible sense of purpose. I’m working on an algorithm to make sure Elon gets at least a million likes for every tweet.
Janet is…wait, Janet got fired this morning.
Julie is working on an algorithm to help Elon get his ex-wife back.
…
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Florida, before you go after drag queens, try getting your own Governor out of stilettos.
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