Nori Reed
@realnorireed
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Emmy | GLAAD award nominated Comedian | Writer @wgawest ❤️🔥 HOT ❤️🔥 but will play ugly for the right award 🏆 Stand up featured by @showtime & @hbomax
Joined July 2021
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I just told a story at work about my childhood that I thought was really funny but now everyone is super quiet and someone said I’m so sorry
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I am absolutely screaming: at what point do we stop working since we are in end times
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Girl who are you talking to
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I am so sorry but this is a capital resident from the hunger games
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Anyone else doing the Willy Wonka grandparents challenge? Haven’t left my bed in 9 days
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Ppl should be required to pass a “how to move through space” course before shopping at Trader Joe’s
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Some of the meanest people I’ve ever met do social justice work
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Bedbugs be like:
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So I’m supposed to work like all day cook for myself clean up after myself maintain my relationships stay fit and healthy and watch 12 hours of TikTok a day ummm you’re crazy
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Plus size clothes: here’s a ruffle and a print now twirl chonky queen
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This Pride has a different… they want us all dead kinda vibe…
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The weekend after thanksgiving has huge “wait am I a ghost” energy
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Bridget Jones reboot with her now
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Euphoria begs the question what if a tiktok could be over one hour
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Why is the ‘hers’ app for anxiety meds and the ‘hims’ app for boner pills
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Not a great sign for the economy…
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Every year one turkey is pardoned to record the White Lotus theme song
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Me without sex: the planet is dying and our country is a disease
Me with sex: all is well
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Wait so r we never going to find out why everyone dropped scooter
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When someone is explaining the rules to a game this is where I’m at mentally
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Everyday I log on and see the most horrific war crimes mixed with Real Housewives news and I feel like I’m going insane
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“How would you feel if you were aborted?”
I don’t know… incredible? Have you experienced being alive?
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The Life of Buca di Beppoio Beppo, Founder of Bucca Di Beppo
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There seems to be two camps rn:
1) recently recovered from Covid and partying
2) haven’t gotten covid yet and living underground
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Everyday I shake my fist at god for giving me good taste with no inherited wealth
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Climate scientists could have never predicted how gay ppl would deal with the climate apocalypse
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BREAKING: HBO Max cancels every single show except Che Diaz’s pilot
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I’m in my friends’ dm’s like their older aunt beth who lives alone saying stuff like “you go girl” and “who is that”
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Okay at this point we are dealing with a multiverse type situation
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Small child runs up to my dog. I body slam her and say, “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?”
Small child runs up to Zoë. I body block and say, “Maybe we don’t run up to dogs we don’t know.”
The parent: She’s three
Me: If she isn’t on voice recall, maybe she should be leashed?
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I would like to introduce the “Don’t Say Keto” bill in California honey
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I just know it smells crazy in there
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What the absolute **** is this!?!?!? We literally give babies many many ‘shots’
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Liking my friends’ posts instead of texting them back because I’m mentally ill
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I don't think ppl understand how important and honestly brave it is for actors to call out this type of cost-cutting - if the studio isn't scared to treat their star badly then how are they treating all of the workers below the line
Taraji P. Henson criticizes 'The Color Purple' production for making cast drive themselves to set in rental cars.
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I don't think ppl are born gay. I think when a baby is born they look around the room and if the doctor is hot then they go gay
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Just a friendly reminder that a person can exist inside of capitalism and still critique it you idiots
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Me: I absolutely do not want to die but also do not want to exist
My barista:
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I arrived super sweaty to the Air France check in and the nice lady said “you know you’ll have to walk a lot in Paris right?”
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Did a trans woman reject Dave at a tender age? Like WHAT is going on
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Bathrooms are already stressful but then I have to remember which gender deer is which?!
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If ur adhd friend runs you over with their car IT’S OKAY
If your
#ADHD
friend hasn’t been in touch I promise they still love you. They just don’t have object permanence so if something is no longer in front of them their brain loses track of it. Trust me, when you reach out their eyes light up & they are so excited to hear from u!
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I am way too sensitive for the grocery store let alone show business
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There is nothing more vulnerable in this world than asking a close friend to hang out
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Therapy is allowing me to meet my authentic self and wow she is annoying!!! so many feelings and needs… it’s kind of like… I appreciate the help but I’ll just stay fake and fun to be around thank you very much
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Comedians will go to ten years of French clown school and still not achieve this level of buffoonery
One of the things I love most about Celine Dion is she is absolutely out of her mind and she’s never pretended to be anyone else.
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Che speaking at a funeral:
IF YOU EAT P***Y MAKE SOME NOISE
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We did it Joe
Everyone in America will be gay by 2047. At least, if current trends hold.
A new Gallup poll found that the percentage of U.S. adults that identify as LGBTQ has doubled over the past 10 years. The number now stands at 7.1% of the overall population.
But there's more...
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Being trans means that I am constantly accused of being a “groomer” that’s why this Pride I am partnering with Supercuts
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The cult leader
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This was so important
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Not The B-52s being more vocally supportive of trans rights than the Democratic Party rn
Dear fellow citizens,
We, The B-52’s, are deeply concerned about the numerous new bills that promote transphobia and discrimination against transgender individuals and drag artists, which have been introduced in the United States. We strongly denounce these bills and stand in
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I want a nasty ass old chihuahua who can barely breathe and needs medication 30x a day
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I just did a Netflix festival show and made fun of Chappelle being a hack and the host tried to roast me after I got off the stage but no one laughed LOL
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The reason I have been avoiding the nepotism discourse is because my mom is Peppa Pig
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“I don’t get it” - a white person watching an Asian led film
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I am HONORED
Happy International Women’s History Month, Bratz Pack! We are celebrating our internet crushes by highlighting their careers/things that make them scorchin’! Next up up, we have comedian/writer/actress
@realnorireed
!!💕 Check our IG stories for the full interview
#bratz
👄💕
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Have y’all ever tried to cut a spaghetti squash in half I almost just lost my life
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Abercrombie full price
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It’s time for me to come out and say that I am a mixed Korean trans woman who accidentally chose a Japanese name
I love trans people and the terrible names we choose for ourselves, lol
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I once slept with a guy who looked so much like this and he tossed my fat ass around like I was a pizza
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Vulture talking to a cardiologist who absolutely blames Carrie for Big’s death ICONIC
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The vast vast majority of Americans want safe access to abortions universal healthcare & affordable housing why are we working right now GENERAL STRIKE
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