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Nori Reed Profile
Nori Reed

@realnorireed

Followers
12,529
Following
525
Media
1,038
Statuses
7,799

Emmy | GLAAD award nominated Comedian | Writer @wgawest ❤️‍🔥 HOT ❤️‍🔥 but will play ugly for the right award 🏆 Stand up featured by @showtime & @hbomax

Joined July 2021
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Just want to share before it’s deleted
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
I just told a story at work about my childhood that I thought was really funny but now everyone is super quiet and someone said I’m so sorry
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I am absolutely dead
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
I am absolutely screaming: at what point do we stop working since we are in end times
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
5 months
Girl who are you talking to
@POTUS
President Biden
5 months
It’s simple.
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Having Having a creative job to create
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
6 months
This is genuinely so hot
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
I am so sorry but this is a capital resident from the hunger games
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Anyone else doing the Willy Wonka grandparents challenge? Haven’t left my bed in 9 days
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Ppl should be required to pass a “how to move through space” course before shopping at Trader Joe’s
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Some of the meanest people I’ve ever met do social justice work
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
8 months
Bedbugs be like:
@silkvanille
𝓐.
8 months
Waking up in Paris
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
“Is it a bones day!?” Babe please look into Wellbutrin!
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
So I’m supposed to work like all day cook for myself clean up after myself maintain my relationships stay fit and healthy and watch 12 hours of TikTok a day ummm you’re crazy
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Plus size clothes: here’s a ruffle and a print now twirl chonky queen
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
You ever wake up and violently want a bagel
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
It’s happening
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
This Pride has a different… they want us all dead kinda vibe…
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
The weekend after thanksgiving has huge “wait am I a ghost” energy
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 month
Bridget Jones reboot with her now
@21metgala
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Nicola Coughlan at Heathrow Airport.
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I can’t do this today
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Ppl meditate for years to get this kind of serenity
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Euphoria begs the question what if a tiktok could be over one hour
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
8 months
Why is the ‘hers’ app for anxiety meds and the ‘hims’ app for boner pills
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
4 months
Not a great sign for the economy…
@juul_survivor
cole
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Every year one turkey is pardoned to record the White Lotus theme song
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Me without sex: the planet is dying and our country is a disease Me with sex: all is well
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
9 months
Wait so r we never going to find out why everyone dropped scooter
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
“Omg literally no worries” - me having a panic attack
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
8 months
When someone is explaining the rules to a game this is where I’m at mentally
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Holding back a cough in CVS
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Me before and after taking Wellbutrin
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
8 months
Everyday I log on and see the most horrific war crimes mixed with Real Housewives news and I feel like I’m going insane
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
“How would you feel if you were aborted?” I don’t know… incredible? Have you experienced being alive?
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Send them to a white lotus
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
The Life of Buca di Beppoio Beppo, Founder of Bucca Di Beppo
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
There seems to be two camps rn: 1) recently recovered from Covid and partying 2) haven’t gotten covid yet and living underground
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Everyday I shake my fist at god for giving me good taste with no inherited wealth
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
Climate scientists could have never predicted how gay ppl would deal with the climate apocalypse
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
BREAKING: HBO Max cancels every single show except Che Diaz’s pilot
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
9 months
Being single is the most ethical thing you can do rn
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Netflix is so vicious for this
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I’m in my friends’ dm’s like their older aunt beth who lives alone saying stuff like “you go girl” and “who is that”
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Okay at this point we are dealing with a multiverse type situation
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
10 months
Say what you will but this lady can tell a story!!!
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
7 months
Small child runs up to my dog. I body slam her and say, “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?”
@AbortionChat
AbortionChat
7 months
Small child runs up to Zoë. I body block and say, “Maybe we don’t run up to dogs we don’t know.” The parent: She’s three Me: If she isn’t on voice recall, maybe she should be leashed?
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
6 months
He seriously needs to play ELLEN in an epic biopic
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I would like to introduce the “Don’t Say Keto” bill in California honey
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I just know it smells crazy in there
@elonmusk
Elon Musk
2 years
Just leaving Twitter HQ code review
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
What the absolute **** is this!?!?!? We literally give babies many many ‘shots’
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
The first people to ever live in Brooklyn
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Liking my friends’ posts instead of texting them back because I’m mentally ill
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
5 months
I don't think ppl understand how important and honestly brave it is for actors to call out this type of cost-cutting - if the studio isn't scared to treat their star badly then how are they treating all of the workers below the line
@Complex
Complex
5 months
Taraji P. Henson criticizes 'The Color Purple' production for making cast drive themselves to set in rental cars.
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I don't think ppl are born gay. I think when a baby is born they look around the room and if the doctor is hot then they go gay
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I’m so sorry but this is insane
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Just a friendly reminder that a person can exist inside of capitalism and still critique it you idiots
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Oat milk lattes should be sliding scale
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Me: I absolutely do not want to die but also do not want to exist My barista:
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
4 months
Nightmare blunt rotation
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
This is called BEING AN ALLY
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
I arrived super sweaty to the Air France check in and the nice lady said “you know you’ll have to walk a lot in Paris right?”
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Did a trans woman reject Dave at a tender age? Like WHAT is going on
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
A secure cis woman is not threatened by trans women lol
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
Bathrooms are already stressful but then I have to remember which gender deer is which?!
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
If ur adhd friend runs you over with their car IT’S OKAY
@The_Weed
Josh Weed
2 years
If your #ADHD friend hasn’t been in touch I promise they still love you. They just don’t have object permanence so if something is no longer in front of them their brain loses track of it. Trust me, when you reach out their eyes light up & they are so excited to hear from u!
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
I am way too sensitive for the grocery store let alone show business
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Not Padma!!!
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
There is nothing more vulnerable in this world than asking a close friend to hang out
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Anyone else laying down for about 3/4 of day
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
7 months
Therapy is allowing me to meet my authentic self and wow she is annoying!!! so many feelings and needs… it’s kind of like… I appreciate the help but I’ll just stay fake and fun to be around thank you very much
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
4 months
Comedians will go to ten years of French clown school and still not achieve this level of buffoonery
@yashar
Yashar Ali 🐘
4 months
One of the things I love most about Celine Dion is she is absolutely out of her mind and she’s never pretended to be anyone else.
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Che speaking at a funeral: IF YOU EAT P***Y MAKE SOME NOISE
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
We did it Joe
@ulcmonastery
Universal Life Church
2 years
Everyone in America will be gay by 2047. At least, if current trends hold. A new Gallup poll found that the percentage of U.S. adults that identify as LGBTQ has doubled over the past 10 years. The number now stands at 7.1% of the overall population. But there's more...
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Being trans means that I am constantly accused of being a “groomer” that’s why this Pride I am partnering with Supercuts
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Sunday is for reflecting on if your friends are mad at you
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
The cult leader
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@calebsaysthings
caleb hearon
2 years
i think cults are about to have a huge comeback
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
This was so important
@glaad
GLAAD
1 year
"Or dressing in drag as a kid, which is a threat to NOBODY." #Oscars
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Where is Black Lotus? Trans Lotus? Neurodivergent Lotus?
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
Not The B-52s being more vocally supportive of trans rights than the Democratic Party rn
@TheB52s
The B-52s
1 year
Dear fellow citizens, We, The B-52’s, are deeply concerned about the numerous new bills that promote transphobia and discrimination against transgender individuals and drag artists, which have been introduced in the United States. We strongly denounce these bills and stand in
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Currently pitching “Young Che”
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 months
Is anyone else in the worst mood of their entire lives
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
Selling Sunset is 99.99% little ladies pushing big doors
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
I want a nasty ass old chihuahua who can barely breathe and needs medication 30x a day
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I just did a Netflix festival show and made fun of Chappelle being a hack and the host tried to roast me after I got off the stage but no one laughed LOL
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
The reason I have been avoiding the nepotism discourse is because my mom is Peppa Pig
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
“I don’t get it” - a white person watching an Asian led film
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
I am HONORED
@Bratz
Bratz
2 years
Happy International Women’s History Month, Bratz Pack! We are celebrating our internet crushes by highlighting their careers/things that make them scorchin’! Next up up, we have comedian/writer/actress @realnorireed !!💕 Check our IG stories for the full interview #bratz 👄💕
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
7 months
Have y’all ever tried to cut a spaghetti squash in half I almost just lost my life
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
1 year
I'm sorry
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
6 months
Abercrombie full price
@Jenny_szn
Jenny💐💐
6 months
what was the pinnacle of wealth to you as a child?
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
There is a wine named Josh
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Trans women Cis women 🤝 No rights
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
If you’re not calling in gay you’re not truly living
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
It’s time for me to come out and say that I am a mixed Korean trans woman who accidentally chose a Japanese name
@badinfinity2
Colby Gordon
3 years
I love trans people and the terrible names we choose for ourselves, lol
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
5 months
I once slept with a guy who looked so much like this and he tossed my fat ass around like I was a pizza
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Name a more likable character
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
Vulture talking to a cardiologist who absolutely blames Carrie for Big’s death ICONIC
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
2 years
The vast vast majority of Americans want safe access to abortions universal healthcare & affordable housing why are we working right now GENERAL STRIKE
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@realnorireed
Nori Reed
3 years
This is so toxic
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