Cat Elgarrista
@cat_elg
Followers
15,328
Following
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Media
70
Statuses
6,758
i have many thoughts. would you like to hear them?
Los Angeles, CA
Joined June 2016
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goldilocks was so stupid for not wanting to sleep in a bed too big for her. oh nooo i’m tooo comfy!! shut up
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bad time for people who always have a little bit of a sore throat and a headache
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no offense but if my friend was pushing me non stop to eat green eggs and ham i’d kick his fucking ass
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“why should the homeless get free housing when i have to pay such high rent for mine??” it’s almost as if... we all have the same problem... you little bitch
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we need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous
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the “can i swim in this game?” to “oh i drowned” pipeline
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man… mondays suck and lasagna rocks… that big ass cat had it so right
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birth certificate is so crazy..hello baby welcome to the world here is some paperwork
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*takes a long drag of a cigarette* yeah, i know the muffin man
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those 5 minutes when a man is shaving and all that’s left is the mustache and he’s walking around saying “maybe i’ll keep it” are the most terrifying 5 minutes of a woman’s life
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had a dream about a microwave that could stream HBO max.. innovating in my sleep … women in stem are amazing
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please do not approach me unless i have an exclamation point above my head indicating i have a quest for you
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there are two wolves inside me. they are failing the bechdel test
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i do believe that bears are dangerous and anyone who thinks they can get close to one is very stupid. but i also think i am different and the bear would sense my loving spirit
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the english language is beautiful .. “jared leto is morbius” … what does it mean….
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going to the eye doctor just to see the beautiful art they have in the machines. red barn is my favorite
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feel like my body has had the check engine light on for a while now and i just keep on driving baby
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mancala was THE game for kids who loved small smooth stones and strategy
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the replies to this are sooo crazy. “baby i’m so amorous right now” get real
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every book is problematic when you have no media literacy ❤️
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DRAGONS have FOUR LEGS and wings . WYVERNS have TWO LEGS and wings with CLAW-LIKE APPENDAGES. NOT going to say it again!!!!!
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when i was little i told a girl jesus was born in april and she cried so hard she threw up
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i need this covid wave to pass i have go to a bar and have a man ask what my tattoos mean
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*on a date* i am so sorry my friend Potential Spam needs me i have to go
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why are mama bear and papa bear not sleeping in the same bed is everything ok ?
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grateful there’s a whole airline for virgins . i do NOT want them on my flight
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sorry to jesus but all the christmas songs about him are skips
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*slapping a crowbar menacingly against my palm* you hear dat fellas? big guy wants to means test. well, bucko, why don’t we test how means i can be?
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“men don’t do drama” ok isildur literally kept the one ring instead of throwing it into the fires of mount doom
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i love video games . i love when an npc puts a steaming cup of hot coffee in their back pocket. i just love these guys
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chugging caffeine then immediately falling asleep . i call it turbo nap and it makes me more powerful than u could possibly imagine
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if kyle xy took off his shirt in front of me id be really chill and cool about it but the second i was alone i’d text the girlies “im with this guy and he has no fuckingggg bellybutton”
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i do not want to know how many minutes i listened to music. i do not think of my year in minutes i am not in RENT
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looking at myself in the mirror and chanting “i was very normal last night i was not weird i was normal and people loved it”
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when my boyfriend is with his boy friends i assume they’re doing an oceans eleven
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HATE when i type the word “baby” and this little freak 👶 shows up in suggested text get outta here kid
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the only way i’m giving biden money is if it’s attached to a long string that i keep yanking out of his grasp
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the worst thing i’ve ever done is when someone told me his favorite band was OK Go i laughed in his face
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encores are so funny. bands are like “ok we’re done! ;)))” and we’re like “no you’re not get back out here silly” and they’re like “ahhh you got me ok 1-3 more then it’s bed time”
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say "love you" to fellow gamers before logging off to assert your dominance
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can’t deal with E.T. they didn’t even try to make him a little sexy . arguably the least sexy guy i’ve ever seen
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every friday night beautiful women around the world google “nathan fielder married”
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@ people with blue eyes: oh you couldn't develop pigment, motherfucker? you just got baby eyes forever? huh baby eyes??
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clapping and cheering when the flight attendants announce we can start bashing each other with blunt weapons
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as a couple you should own a minimum of the following
1 chain mail or leather armor
1 longbow, and 20 arrows
1 martial weapon and a shield or 2 martial weapons
1 light crossbow and 20 bolts or 2 handaxes
1 dungeoneer’s pack or 1 explorer’s pack
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if your pet does a big stretch and you don’t say “oooh big stretch” your sins are being counted and God will judge you harshly
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if paint thinner is sooo bad for you then why is the wizard i see when i breathe too much of it telling me truths in an ancient tongue?
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so crazy that war used to be just lining up in front of the enemy and seeing what happens
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i miss going to concerts and falling madly in love with at least one member of the band
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if you expose me to covid you owe me Two thousand dollars . and i get to shoot you with a bow and arrow
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bribing an amc employee to play the original nicole kidman intro
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some of you never read Draconology: The Complete Book of Dragons and it shows
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if a man has a large crimson rectangle of fabric on a pole that’s a red flag
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remember in like 2016 when there was just fucking clowns running around being weird?? what the hell was that
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oh i’m supposed to “rest” after “an injury” ok so you want me dead ? you want me to fucking die??
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loudly shouting in a theater of 6 people “wait so which one is godzilla?”
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getting gas at 10 pm is sooo romantic. just me and one guy staring at me like he wants to kill me ❤️
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(me on a hike, every time, without fail) this is just like lord of the rings
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emailing noam chomsky with my fanart of him as a teething halfling named Gnome Chompsky
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asking the optometrist if she has any prints of hot air balloon for sale
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*trying to keep it together when someone misidentifies a wyvern as a dragon* yeah haha but actually as you can see that creature only has 2 legs and wings whereas a dragon has 4 legs and wings. now a wyrm on the otherhand has
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andrew yang won’t see your mean tweets but your friends with failed mayoral races will
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i hate puzzles no matter how bad covid gets i’m not doing that shit!!!
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we need more holidays where we wait for a little guy to see something
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i love banana bread you just buy a bunch of bananas and then ignore them for a while and finally you’re like ok u will be bread now
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so fucked up to have to work on halloween… on the monsters day? on the day of goblins and ghouls and zombies with no conscience?
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hate that i’m forced to be a child in the pokémon games. when will i be allowed to be a gorgeous Adult with big cans ??
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you wouldn’t download a car. you wouldn’t download a fine ass babe to ride around in your car with the top down. you wouldn’t download road head from this fine babe riding in your car down the highway with the wind in your hair
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heard someone talking about how they took 4 years of spanish but “still couldn’t understand anything” when they went to brazil. lol
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cannot wait to go back to full-contact delivery (the delivery driver tackles you to the ground and you have to wrestle them for your food)
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when you touch a sleeping cat and they go brrrrrt? ooooh that’s my shit
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when someone in a movie says “this isn’t a movie” i start convulsing i start freaking the fuck out
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