COLUMBUS, OH—Launching the next phase in an ongoing overhaul of its troubled brand, Victoria’s Secret unveiled a new advertising campaign Monday that features its apparel worn by real women caught on...

AUSTIN, TX—Providing workers with an opportunity for some lighthearted fun, the human resources department of local ad agency Milner-Ferraro reportedly improved company morale by giving employees a...

PALO ALTO, CA—Claiming the brand was faultless if drivers were not fully engaged while at the wheel, Tesla CEO Elon Musk blamed user error Friday after cars reportedly began sealing off windows and...

DALLAS, TX—Gathering his wife and children close to him as he shared the tragic news, area conservative Dan Gainey, 66, informed his family Tuesday that Critical Race Theory had spread to his liver....

BALTIMORE—Dashing hopes of a return to the Earth’s only natural satellite, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration played down plans for another Moon mission Monday, explaining that Apollo...

NEW YORK—Listening enraptured as the most powerful people in the world discussed their process, the United States Congress took a field trip to Goldman Sachs headquarters Thursday to learn about how...

MILFORD, CT—Addressing recent questions about the integrity of ingredients in one of the chain’s most popular sandwiches, Subway CEO John Chidsey issued a formal apology Thursday for trusting a fish...

PRINCETON, NJ—Dispelling long-held notions that the trip was conducted to map newly acquired U.S. territory in the West, Princeton University historians confirmed Thursday that Meriwether Lewis and...

CHICAGO—Scouring through the photos in search of a more revealing angle, apartment-hunter George Marvin expressed concern Thursday over a two-bedroom listing that was for some reason being cagey...

METHUEN, MA—Adding credence to the longstanding supposition that your dad is a selfish piece of shit, a new report released Tuesday found that your father was probably out with one of his whores...

BOZEMAN, MT—Though he protects scores of innocent civilians every day of his life, several reports confirmed Wednesday that Java, a local parakeet, is unaware the companionship he provides is the...

ARLINGTON, VA—In a long-overdue move to help modernize clinical practices, the American Psychological Association announced Thursday plans to update their Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental...

SHEBOYGAN, WI—Shrugging off that he had been bedridden for the better part of the day, local man Jamison Kelly reminded himself Monday that the painful, nauseating side effects just meant that the...

LITTLE ROCK, AR—In a purported effort to protect the youths of the state, Arkansas legislators passed a controversial bill Friday that would require teen residents to keep their genitals on full...

MINNEAPOLIS—Condemning the father for resorting to such a harsh and outdated treatment for an innocent front-of-house worker, patrons at the Culpepper Café told reporters Friday they were disgusted...

SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to better cater to its target market, telehealth company Hims has reportedly begun selling bags of chips for depressed, impotent losers who are also hungry. “Experiencing...