Brandy Jensen
@BrandyLJensen
Followers
150,363
Following
1,702
Media
6,393
Statuses
115,585
See that she chews her food well, and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right.
Joined March 2015
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
México
• 1132444 Tweets
Morena
• 679195 Tweets
casillas
• 402441 Tweets
Flamengo
• 330644 Tweets
Xóchitl
• 324435 Tweets
緊急地震速報
• 194779 Tweets
The Loyal Pin is Coming
• 184005 Tweets
#ปิ่นภักดิ์Q51ใกล้เสร็จแล้ว
• 180219 Tweets
Stars
• 153924 Tweets
Junior
• 132231 Tweets
Whindersson
• 131373 Tweets
PREP
• 111484 Tweets
地震大丈夫
• 82653 Tweets
Florencia
• 80627 Tweets
#CH3Apologize
• 67780 Tweets
LEALTAD FURIOSA
• 65855 Tweets
Televisa
• 51845 Tweets
Oilers
• 43316 Tweets
地震警報
• 41779 Tweets
Mario Delgado
• 39015 Tweets
Soto
• 31086 Tweets
アラーム
• 28614 Tweets
Tigre
• 27161 Tweets
Panthers
• 26983 Tweets
Natalie
• 26537 Tweets
アラート
• 26066 Tweets
Borja
• 24044 Tweets
Stanley Cup
• 20370 Tweets
#HomeForHomeless
• 19351 Tweets
Bucaramanga
• 19182 Tweets
Pereira
• 17870 Tweets
#MissUniverseColombia
• 17528 Tweets
渡辺くん
• 15014 Tweets
McDavid
• 12503 Tweets
Barranquilla
• 12249 Tweets
Santa Fe
• 12153 Tweets
しょっぴー
• 10160 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
okay I have officially started up my old advice column on substack. if you remember it fondly please subscribe 🥺
27
93
454
that’s so much time to die
The runtime for
#NoTimeToDie
is 2 hours and 43 minutes, the longest runtime for any James Bond movie.
385
1K
11K
224
18K
236K
this is the only effective ad for camo i’ve ever seen
My brain refuses to believe there are 4 people in this photo
1K
38K
200K
175
25K
223K
confession: i always liked watching boyfriends play video games. the stories are fun but i’m not good at using the controller!!! and it can actually be very feminist to sit back and say “go in that room i bet something is in there”
1K
14K
222K
a person only needs one good coat
Wait, is Bernie is wearing the same jacket from his meme at the inauguration?
2K
12K
163K
317
12K
189K
oh no the wrong people are manipulating the stock market
474
18K
177K
how long could a doctor leave you in an exam room before you considered like, popping your head out to ask what’s going on. for me i think about seven hours
1K
7K
171K
thank you yes this is precisely what i imagined the prince of crypto would look like
721
13K
167K
by the time i die this will almost certainly be the sound i’ve laughed at most in my life
Recreating the sound of a mummy’s voice, science is amazing! 🤔🧐
2K
22K
134K
584
21K
161K
a what in a movie called WHAT
Shira Haas has been cast as Israeli superheroine Sabra in ‘CAPTAIN AMERICA NEW WORLD ORDER’.
#D23Expo
1K
1K
11K
402
11K
151K
male cult leader: I have received a new revelation from the lord
me: let me guess, he wants you to have multip—
cult leader: I am to have multiple wives
274
13K
157K
you hear a lot about how lottery winners end up miserable. the money ruins their life and relationships etc. well that wouldn’t happen to me
379
14K
147K
you can’t show me some tits then blame me for seeing tits
286
8K
122K
watching a documentary about suffragettes and they end with this little “what happened to them” montage. real mixed bag lmao
428
8K
116K
wow nobody got arrested at the rally where we told the government “good job keep it up”
Update from the Israel rally in London today:
0 arrests
0 public disorders
0 firecrackers shot at the police
0 police attacked
0 injured
0 calls for genocide
0 racist slurs
0 hateful signs
The police reported the protestors thanked them for their service.
3K
6K
24K
388
15K
115K
a real shame that 6 am is such a perfect time to wake up but 10 pm is a very stupid time to go to bed
117
7K
115K
you gotta think this strategy of saying that thousands and thousands of normal people, out with their neighbors and their kids, are big fans of terrorism is going to have diminishing returns
This isn’t a pro-Palestinian rally in London now, it’s a pro-Hamas rally.
Churchill is probably rolling in his grave.
9K
4K
17K
614
14K
114K
i give out weed candy to kids on halloween. i get it specially made to look like regular candy which costs me thousands of dollars every year but i think it’s fun. i won’t stop.
393
8K
112K
if you had asked me five minutes ago “how big is plymouth rock” i would have been so so wrong
Plymouth Rock has to be one of the most unremarkable artifacts of American history.
3K
3K
101K
529
8K
111K
i genuinely love when someone gets a column in a national newspaper to announce “I’m rude as hell”
696
6K
102K
this all happened because zuckerberg never meta girl until college
459
10K
102K
your honor as you can see clearly from this video... my client whips ass
Daytona Beach Police are searching for the person who drove through a drawbridge crossing arm and jumped the bridge as it was rising into the air.
STORY:
5K
8K
49K
311
8K
98K
my mom finally married her partner of 20+ years. “no worries, just wanted to share” lmao 😭
154
1K
98K
paleontologist is the funniest job to me. so rare for a seven year old to stick to their major life goals
151
4K
96K
“the suits universe” do you mean new york
A new show set in the ‘Suits’ universe is in the works, Deadline reports.
212
456
6K
146
4K
96K
flatly insane that your doctor can say “you need an mri” and then a little while later your insurance company can be like “lol no you didn’t”
467
7K
94K
playing his what now
Emmy Rossum joins Tom Holland in Apple's 'The Crowded Room'
Holland is playing Danny Sullivan and Rossum will play his mother, who is always looking for a man to fulfill her dreams of salvation
()
191
118
2K
358
4K
89K
insane. leaves me despairing of our ability to inhabit a shared reality
1K
6K
89K
netflix sound engineer: okay make the dialogue so quiet people will think they have hearing problems then the car crashes so loud they’ll develop one
289
8K
86K
not in a million years could you guess how this starts
437
4K
84K
by your thirties you should have a pasta shape you vehemently despise for no particular reason. mine’s rotini.
5K
6K
83K
remains one of the most baffling photos i’ve ever seen
Jill Biden remembers Rosalynn Carter for efforts with mental health, caregiving
107
65
1K
328
3K
81K
falls under my rule “sufficiently funny crimes should not be prosecuted”
A thief disguised as a trash bag was caught on camera stealing a package from a home in Sacramento
359
1K
7K
94
5K
82K
a baby angrily typing is actually the perfect image for these sorts of people
We're fighting against the lies spread by pride activists: people are born gay. The science proved there is no gay gene. We should stop spreading this lie. Join us this Giving Tuesday as we fight to
#ProtectTheDefectors
:
681
34
203
75
5K
80K
people who hate cilantro got it so easy. they can have a fussy little preference and everyone is like “of course, due to your genes”
362
3K
78K
the first and only vr thing that sounds fun
120
5K
76K
imagine having this tattoo and it being the third thing people ask about
Hitler's 'last living relative' convicted of paedophilia after kissing girl, 13
591
996
3K
151
9K
73K
we deserve more elegant metaphors
128
11K
73K
the butter sculptures aren’t solid butter??? what the hell
413
2K
73K
help Joe Kennedy make history today
179
7K
71K
my microwave has a filter?
231
3K
71K
“you’re not actually rich if all your money goes to maintaining the lifestyle of a rich person” is an opinion i would love to stop seeing every couple of months
265
5K
70K
love it when conservatives respond to some light socialism by sarcastically offering up even better ideas. “oh college debt forgiveness? how about we just wipe away mortgages too?” hell yeah man now you’re talking
146
10K
67K
how are my fellow “grind your teeth at night due to stress” people doing you got any molars left
2K
6K
68K
does she have a series of cardboard cutouts what’s goin on here
207
3K
67K
after years of bitcoin and reddit short selling and credit default swaps and a million other things i don’t understand it’s so refreshing to hear that global commerce is in peril because a big boat got stuck in a canal
114
8K
66K
are the ghost hunters gay or are they hunting gay ghosts
Kristen Stewart is developing a gay ghost-hunting reality show with a friend, which she has described as “a paranormal romp in a queer space,” with elevated aesthetics.
()
336
2K
13K
304
4K
65K
damn you don’t say
Midjourney is getting crazy powerful—none of these are real photos, and none of the people in them exist.
3K
3K
20K
365
3K
63K
why does this look like a musical
The first look at Netflix’s ‘TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE’ sequel has been released.
The film releases on February 18 on Netflix.
(Source: )
219
503
4K
422
3K
63K
the connections i’m going to inherit
White millennials are gonna get conservative as fuck when they inherit their boomer parents houses, wealth, and connections. Believe me now, quote me later.
1K
6K
44K
143
3K
61K
what was everyone’s weirdest panic purchase my brain glitched and i bought three types of jam
4K
3K
61K
most restaurants are too loud
What is the most boomer complaint you have? Mine is I think people take their dogs too many places for my taste and also I think everyone should be more punctual.
1K
4K
38K
136
3K
62K
okay how does she have an ass crack given she’s just a standard, if extremely well-endowed mermaid in the front. like anatomically how would that work
1K
3K
60K
spent a couple days pondering this and i’ve rarely felt sorrier for someone than the person who had explosive diarrhea all over that airplane. trapped there with everyone whose day you ruined by violently shitting yourself
163
2K
60K
every sex scene is necessary to me, a pervert
95
9K
61K
It genuinely doesn't occur to these guys that you could put up statues of black people
Challenge: name five historical figures from mid 19th century or earlier who wouldn't be considered extremely racist by modern standards
2K
102
464
602
14K
56K
the couples where one person is wearing a mask and one isn’t: what’s going on there
532
3K
56K
not even kidding when i say stuff like this should be against the law
125
2K
55K
liking a tweet from someone i’ve followed for years but have never met, or really even interacted with much, and whose name i do not know: god i’m so glad he got this job. i know he could use the higher pay after his wife got laid off back in february
49
7K
55K
never feel more harshly judged than when one of the dogs enters a room i’m in, scopes out the vibe, and decides to leave
54
3K
54K
who the fuck are you following
don’t let twitter trick you into thinking everyone has their life together.
68
760
2K
80
6K
52K
lol we will fight the sun before we take on capitalism
Harvard and Yale scientists are proposing that we tackle climate change by dimming the sun.
It sounds crazy, but according to their research, it could actually cut the rate of global warming in half:
7K
3K
7K
321
14K
52K
wait so stephen miller didn’t get covid when his wife had it but does have it after a work event. lmao what a fucking nerd
212
3K
53K
if my abortion rights are taken away by a guy named Brett I’m gonna be furious
132
7K
52K
would be pretty hilarious if twitter disappeared and i went on to lead a peaceful life full of meaning and beauty. like lmao
86
6K
52K
what
If you have pancakes in your tum tum, does that make you a pancake mum mum? Happy Mother’s Day to ALL the moms out there!
3K
1K
6K
112
4K
51K
lmao come on now. like c’mon. please
The first images of Sen. Dianne Feinstein, returning to the US Senate for the first time in nearly three months.
828
234
2K
154
2K
51K
pete is so unprepared for how much his most vocal haters care about trains lol
167
3K
50K
sorry where
2 bodies recovered during search for missing swimmers at Murderkill River
701
960
5K
160
5K
49K
i shall simply summer in the east wing of my 600 sq foot apartment
The key to escaping lockdown? Sleep in your guest room and pretend it’s a trip.
1K
98
519
118
5K
49K
do dogs even realize they are hanging out with other dogs of the same breed or do people organize like a “Dachshund meet-up” solely for their own strange satisfaction
476
1K
47K
about to say some shit that gets me put on a federal watchlist
221
5K
47K
i’ve reached british crime show level “the killer’s prints weren’t on the gun because she used her feet”
263
2K
48K
would be funny if the mob started lobbying for strong climate action
More human remains have been found in Lake Mead — the second time in a week as the reservoir's water levels drop.
46
196
884
108
4K
47K
The famed Michelin guide isn't coming, and neither do the tourists.
How does the local fine dining scene survive after Hamas' October 7 massacre? As one successful chef puts it: "F*** Michelin"
456
47
180
162
18K
47K
how far do you think MAYOTARD got before someone flagged an issue
Attention Mayochup lovers: Mayomust and Mayocue are hitting shelves soon
360
175
489
180
4K
46K
perfectly happy to give up my gas stove. wouldn’t bother me at all. my only request, as someone who rents, is that you also ban these
486
1K
46K
everyone will focus on the guns of course but i am personally quite disturbed by the four cans of caffeine-free diet coke
391
1K
45K
“adulting” by a fucking mile
What is the worst slang that became universally accepted in the 2010s?
4K
517
4K
186
4K
45K
you know what is actually kind of insane? the fact that in all this time israeli forces have not rescued a single hostage. shot three and surely bombed a few but still, to this day, have located and safely retrieved zero
Allow me to define insanity. Israel is fighting to save the lives of over 100 hostages and the world responds by taking Israel to court.
5K
1K
6K
62
10K
46K
coronavirus hit italy hard because all the animated hand gestures fling the virus around
151
4K
44K
i love extremely attractive people talking about how weird and awkward they’ve become post-pandemic as if it matters at all. if you’re super hot you can say whatever absurd bullshit you like and people will happily nod along
220
2K
44K
must be an incredibly bad time for the people who secretly live in a stranger’s walls
144
4K
43K
????????
UPDATE: Senior Labour MP Andy McDonald has now been suspended over the ‘river to the sea’ speech
The decision comes after fast-paced internal discussions on Monday afternoon
459
578
2K
140
7K
44K
doing this in what looks like a somewhat recently built live laugh love house is crazy. one of those doors or bannisters is coming down for sure lol
252
1K
42K
coming home so fucked up you end up on paranormality magazine
85
3K
42K
this spiderman looks divorced
We had a very special guest today for the Sixth Form assembly!
203
3K
13K
169
4K
42K
genuinely do not understand how these film festival audiences give ten and twelve minute long standing ovations. it could be a biopic of my own mother and i could manage three minutes of clapping tops
100
2K
42K
attracting a sapiosexual by reading the dictionary in public but rolling my eyes to indicate i know all the words already
54
3K
42K
down payment on multiple credit cards with no job get ready to fake your own death
72
2K
42K